Forgiveness

Some years ago, I saw an old friend at a conference. He seemed somewhat reserved when I enthusiastically approached him, and eventually he informed me that many years previously, I had done or said something that offended him and he had spent these years angry with me. He even remembered precisely what I did, which I could not recall at all. I was astounded and apologized profusely. I had no idea of his hurt and had continued to hold him in high esteem. While I now believe the angst has healed, I gave it a great deal of thought afterward.

Hasn’t everyone? For me, journeys of forgiveness begin with choosing non-retaliation, traveling through prayer and understanding, and, ideally, arriving at compassion; the process moves from hostility to hospitality. If I embrace the joy of God’s creativity in place of my own hurt and weakness, then God’s love can make me strong and rich and able to give and forgive. Forgiveness from the heart and mind is difficult, but once done what is shared is the laughter of God. The Very Rev. Canon Peter D. Haynes St. Michael & All Angels Episcopal Church of Corona del Mar How can one not struggle with forgiveness?

"In the long run, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You're not forgiving them for their sake. You're doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don't let these people live rent-free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It's not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself.

"Humanity is never so beautiful as when praying for forgiveness or else forgiving another." -- Jean Paul Richter Last week I attended a leadership conference. For 2 1/2 days I sang, prayed, took notes, laughed, cried and took more notes at an event designed to motivate us to develop leadership qualities in whatever roles God has called us to fulfill. It was my first experience with video broadcasting, and though originally skeptical, I now believe in the potential of positive technology to connect people across many miles.

CBS Radio and MSNBC fired Don Imus this week after he referred to Rutgers University's women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos." Initially, the companies agreed to suspend Imus for two weeks after he apologized but calls for his ouster escalated. Have we established a higher standard for forgiveness with public figures and, if so, do you think that's fair? In our culture of apology, everyone must take his turn on the rack of regret and walk the gauntlet of shame. The "sorry" business is a growth industry, a communal syndrome.

Some years ago, I saw an old friend at a conference in an eastern city. He seemed somewhat reserved when I enthusiastically approached him, and eventually he informed me that many years previously, I had done or said something that offended him and he had spent these years angry with me. He even remembered precisely what I did, which I could not recall at all. I was astounded and apologized profusely. I had no idea of his hurt and had continued to hold him in high esteem. While I now believe the angst has healed, I gave it a great deal of thought afterward.

In his Nov. 13 letter (“Religion’s values at odds with its history”), Lenard Davis accurately portrays a number of Christian failings throughout the years, and he also complains that “no one has really explained what ‘Christian values’ really are.” Actually, someone really has explained these values. If Davis will take his Bible and turn to what is known as “the sermon on the mount” and later passages, he will see what this person taught us about these values, such as love your Creator and pray to Him; love your neighbor as yourself and forgive him if he harms you; be happy in traditional marriage; feed and clothe the needy; visit the sick and those in prison; and ask for forgiveness for yourself.

Question: I once lived in Highland Park, Ill., with a cat named Poco. We were inseparable. When he was diagnosed with kidney stones, I had to give him up. I just couldn't afford treatment in 1987. I still miss Poco very much. How do I ask for forgiveness when he depended on me for everything? I feel like I let him down big time. — C.H., Bloomington, Ind. Answer: How I wish we had the power to change the past, but so far, that can't be done. And I don't have the power to exonerate you. Besides, who am I?

Earlier this week I was studying with a childhood friend. As we caught up she talked about her preparations for Seder dinner. Her daughter showed me the Passover book she had made and we inquired about each other's family traditions for this sacred week as we have for years. It is a huge week of celebration for a large segment of our population. Whether you are Jewish observing Passover or Christian celebrating Easter, this holy week is a celebration of freedom. Looking through my young friend's Passover book, I was reminded of the exodus story of the Jewish people.

It's that time of the year again. After the holiday decorations have been taken down, the old-time ritual of the New Year's resolutions list is posted to the refrigerator. What's on your list this year? For most people, it is probably a reprinted list but with an adjusted new year: (1) lose weight; (2) eat healthier; (3) exercise; (4) get out of debt; (5) stop smoking, etc. Traditionally, people tend to make a resolution around the start of the New Year as they reflect on the old year and look forward to the new one. For many, the New Year symbolizes a chance for a fresh start and a new beginning in their life.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): It isn't necessarily your actions, but your reactions, that must be controlled. Concentrate on making sure that your possessions are well cared for and that you have made ample plans for the future. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Forgiveness never fails. You may be called upon to explain yourself to clear up a mired misunderstanding. Adopting a frank and forgiving attitude will reassure others and enhance your reputation. GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Some years ago, I saw an old friend at a conference. He seemed somewhat reserved when I enthusiastically approached him, and eventually he informed me that many years previously, I had done or said something that offended him and he had spent these years angry with me. He even remembered precisely what I did, which I could not recall at all. I was astounded and apologized profusely. I had no idea of his hurt and had continued to hold him in high esteem. While I now believe the angst has healed, I gave it a great deal of thought afterward.

I believe that a good deal of our suffering stems from unforgiveness. It can be difficult to forgive someone who has gravely wronged us, and even more so when that same person refuses to ask for pardon or believes that he or she did nothing wrong to begin with. If you find yourself sometimes struggling in this area, you might be interested in knowing more about St. Maria Goretti. Born in Italy in 1890, Maria lived with her parents and five siblings on a farm very near a widower and his teenaged son. The families shared a common kitchen and would often run into one another in the close quarters.

COSTA MESA — Newport-Mesa Muslims on Friday will join worldwide celebrations of what is known as Eid al-Fitr , which marks the end of Ramadan, Islam's holy month. The celebration began Thursday night after the last prayer with a chant embracing and thanking God, and will continue Friday morning with prayers, gift exchanges and visitations with friends and family. For Muslims, celebrating Eid is about thanking God for allowing them another chance to exercise discipline, test their self-restraint and generosity . "Eid is the celebration of God's forgiveness," said Imam Sayed Moustafa Al-Qazwini of the Islamic Educational Center of Orange County in Costa Mesa.

On April 16, Azim Khamisa, a San Diego-area investment banker, gave a talk at Irvine Valley College about his experience with losing his son, Tariq, 20, to a gangbanger’s bullet in January 1995. Khamisa has started a foundation to find ways to end gang violence through peace-building programs offered at schools. Rather than condemn his son’s convicted killer, Tony Hicks, who was 14 at the time of the slaying and is serving a prison sentence for it, Khamisa has since met with Hicks and forgiven him for taking his only son’s life.

In his Nov. 13 letter (“Religion’s values at odds with its history”), Lenard Davis accurately portrays a number of Christian failings throughout the years, and he also complains that “no one has really explained what ‘Christian values’ really are.” Actually, someone really has explained these values. If Davis will take his Bible and turn to what is known as “the sermon on the mount” and later passages, he will see what this person taught us about these values, such as love your Creator and pray to Him; love your neighbor as yourself and forgive him if he harms you; be happy in traditional marriage; feed and clothe the needy; visit the sick and those in prison; and ask for forgiveness for yourself.