The God Squad: 'I could not hit a curve ball'

May 11, 2012|By Rabbi Marc Gellman

DEAR READERS: You're not the only ones who ask me questions. Here are some queries from students in the sixth grade of our religious school. Tell your kids to write to me and I'll answer them, too, one of these days. — Rabbi Gellman

Question: What's your idea of a perfect person? — Lauren Fogel

Answer: The prophet Micah asked God the same question and God told him that all you need to do to be perfect is: 1) Do the right thing; 2) Be nice to everyone; 3) Don't brag about what you've done. That sounds right to me, too.

Q: What is your idea of heaven? — Lauren Fogel (again)

A: I think the World to Come (heaven) is a place where after your body dies your soul goes to Soul School to learn about what made you afraid when you were alive, why you messed up when you messed up, and what were the best things you ever did for someone else. After Soul School, I think you meet all the souls of your family who died before you did. You get to fill them in and to learn who gave you the color of your eyes.

Q: If you could ask God a question, what would it be? — Corey Jeshiva

A: I'd ask if the souls of the good people who had hard lives on Earth are happy now.

I'd also ask, "Why did you make the world so that everything that's good for you tastes like celery and everything that's bad for you tastes like ice cream?"

(OK, that's more than one question, but I figure God is very busy and I should get in all my questions at once.)

Q: What do you think is the meaning of life? — Rachel Heym

A: The meaning of life is to wake up every morning, do good things and then go back to sleep.

Q: Do you like a certain prayer more than another? — Katelin Homler

A: There are only four kinds of prayers: Thank You, Gimme, Oops and Wow! My favorite prayers are the Thank You prayers.

Most of the things we ask God for in our Gimme prayers are stuff we should get for ourselves. Most of our Oops prayers that say we're sorry don't stop us from doing the same bad thing again. And most of the things we say Wow! about are sports and music, which are not that wow-ful.

Q: Did you ever doubt God or not believe in God, even for a minute, and why? — Emma Sutkin

A: No. I always believed in God, but sometimes I don't believe in people.

Q: Why does everyone see God as an old guy with a beard wearing a white robe? — Alex Epstein

A: I don't know. It is so wrong to picture God that way. God has a blue robe.