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Comments & Curiosities: This time he really has 'gotta go'

July 16, 2011|By Peter Buffa
  • Orange County Supervisor John Moorlach, right, with Peter Buffa, at an event in 2006.
Orange County Supervisor John Moorlach, right, with… (KENT TREPTOW, Daily…)

Editor's note: This is Peter Buffa's final humor column for the Daily Pilot. We thank him for 15 years of Sunday morning smiles. Columnist Patrice Apodaca will move from Saturdays to Sundays next weekend.

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Ever seen a sports movie?

If you have, you know they always end the same way. Always. It's the law. Time is about to run out, just a few ticks left on the clock. All those years of sweat and pain and practice have come down to this. The final seconds slip away as the hero (villain) goes up (down) to make (stop) the last score that will win (lose) the big game, which, 74.3% of the time, is the state championship.

Most important, in the last few seconds, everything goes into slow motion. That's because in addition to showing the clock running down, they have lots of shots of players straining and fans screaming and loved ones covering their eyes to fit into the span of a few seconds. It also allows them to slow down the soundtrack so everyone sounds like Barry White on Valium.

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The clock always runs out just as the basket (touchdown) is made (or not) and everyone goes bonkers, or groans, but it's usually bonkers because who wants to find out they just invested 22 bucks and two hours to watch someone blow it? The game is over, the story has ended, the drama is done.

Well, this is like that, sort of. It is my sad duty to inform you that my time has run out.

Not me personally. I think I'm good for another 18 months, at least. But this will be my last column for the Daily Pilot. That's because I have a new job, which I am very excited about — second assistant cart retrieval manager at Costco. There was a little drama on my first day when my bungee cord snapped and got caught in an elderly Taiwanese woman's hair, but it's been going really well since then.

At any rate, my new schedule will not allow me to do whatever this is, not that anyone has ever figured that out.

First, last and always, I want to thank my loyal readers, all seven of you, for sticking with me for what has been a good, long run and then some — more than 15 years, believe it or not. Yikes.

I also want to thank the Daily Pilot, a lot, for giving me an opportunity to make more bad, tasteless jokes than Lady Gaga has fright wigs and putting up with my never even coming close to making a deadline.

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