Question: With all due respect, I felt that your response to a recent question regarding cremation might have offended some readers. Your opinions that keeping ashes in an urn on the mantel seemed "creepy," and scattering them in public places "slightly ghoulish," were very strong. I'm sure some people find great comfort in having their loved ones' ashes with them. As well, it must be very gratifying to most people who choose to scatter ashes. I have no personal connection or experience with cremation. Any thoughts? — L., Lake Grove, N.Y., via email@example.com.
Answer: Thank you for your concern about the feelings of those who chose cremation over burial. I said in my column that although it's not the encouraged spiritual practice for Jews and Christians, I do respect the religious right of anyone who chooses cremation.
My deeper concern involves not only the spiritual value of having a place in a cemetery where family members can come for generations to remember and pray and tell stories, but also the idea of separating places of death from places of life. There is a wise Jewish custom of washing hands when returning home from a cemetery so that not even a particle of dust from a place of death enters our homes, which are places of life. This separation is, I believe, spiritually wise. The process of grief work requires both memory and separation.