Due to the economic downturn, also known as the still-unfolding but inevitably total economic collapse of the world, we’re going to have to cut a few corners on T-Day. Yes I know, you don’t like to hear that.
But not to worry. We will get through this together. I promise you. I’m about to show you how to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for eight with all the trimmings that will set you back 25 bucks, total, no ups, no extras, don’t thank me, it’s my job. If you trust me you won’t be sorry, but you do have to keep an open mind. Ready? We begin.
We’ve all seen roasted turkeys, grilled turkeys, smoked turkeys, deep-fried turkeys, all of which are fine but all of which are pricey. When you’re tightening your belt, it’s time to consider a SPAM turkey.
Seriously, you’re looking at like four bucks, five max for a very convincing, fully satisfying and wildly salty centerpiece for your T-Day feast. Yes, SPAM is a little fatty, about 1,249 grams per ounce, and it’s hot pink, which some people find off-putting, but it’s Thanksgiving for heaven’s sake. Open your mind.
The important thing here is that SPAM holds its shape just as well as Play-Doh. Better maybe. Definitely do a test run on Wednesday though. When the doorbell rings Thursday afternoon is not the time to look in the oven and realize that what you’ve created is closer to something from “Aliens” that’s snarling at Sigourney Weaver as she tries to un-jam her weapon than it is to a turkey.
