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Reel Critics:

‘Disaster Movie’ is, well, a disaster of a spoof comedy

September 03, 2008|By John Depko

Without any doubt, the painfully unfunny “Disaster Movie” is clearly the worst movie you could ever see this year. I know there are four months left in this Hollywood season. But no major studio has any hope of releasing a film as bad as this one in such a short period of time.

The crew that produced this flick managed to deliver a few real laughs in its previous parodies: “Scary Movie,” “Epic Movie” and “Meet the Spartans.” But the mind-numbing stupidity of the current disaster just takes your breath away.

Nicole Parker and Vanessa Minnillo are the only actors worth mentioning in this lame spoof of recent popular films. But I’m sure they would like every other producer in Tinseltown to forget they were ever involved in this turkey.

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Watching this pathetic attempt at comedy leaves you wondering if the pain of a root canal without Novocain could possibly be a worse fate. Take my word for it: The movie is worse.

What motives does Don Cheadle’s expert have?

Don Cheadle is terrific in “Traitor” as a Sudanese bomb expert whose true motives and loyalties are murky to terrorist jihadists, the FBI and the audience.

Cheadle is Samir, a devout Muslim whose gentle voice and ways are at odds with his talents for destruction.

He ingratiates himself with a terrorist group and wins the trust of one of the leaders, Omar (Said Taghmaoui) but must constantly prove his loyalty.

Guy Pearce (“Memento”) is excellent as the FBI agent closely following Samir’s movements around the globe.

Cheadle is a fine actor and it’s hard to accept him as a bad guy, but within the context of this movie it helps to build the suspense.

With a script cowritten by director Jeffrey Nachmanoff and Steve Martin (yes, the Steve Martin) it’s an action flick that doesn’t insult one’s intelligence.

An American couple doing charity work in Beijing decide to take a six-day trip via train to Moscow in “Transsiberian.” The snowy landscapes may be breathtaking, but danger and violence are just around the bend in this taut thriller.

Jessie and Roy (Emily Mortimer and Woody Harrelson) are rather naïve, and so when they meet Carlos and Abby on the train, it seems like one of those well-matched, easygoing friendships.

But there’s something about the way Carlos is eyeballing Jessie that starts alarm bells going. Is he just a flirt, or does he have a hidden agenda? Why is Abby always throwing warning looks at him when he starts talking about passports and customs?

Throw in Ben Kingsley as a charming Russian detective, and you get two hours of nail-biting suspense that will leave you feeling exhausted at the end.


JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator for the Orange County public defender’s office. SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant for a financial services company.

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