Comments & Curiosities:

I tried. I really did. I tried hard to resist the story about the body on ice at the Fairmont Hotel. But in the end, I could not. To say that a story like this comes along once in a lifetime is an understatement. It happens even less than that, which I think is never, but I’m not good with math. We’ve all heard the expression, “You couldn’t make this stuff up,” but seriously…you couldn’t make this stuff up.

Here is what we know so far, none of which could be made up, but you already know that. According to authorities and various news reports, Newport Beach police get a tip about someone who deals in unlicensed pharmaceuticals in both pill and powder form and is living at the Fairmont Hotel of all places, pretty upscale digs for a local dealer. Following their tip, the cops inquire at the front desk about a guest named Stephen Royds, a 46-year old New Zealander, who uses the alias “Mel Profitt,” which we’ll get back to later. The cops then make an unscheduled visit to his room, which is on the 9th floor.

Inside the room, the police find that has Stephen kept his corner not only unclean, but really weird. The place is ankle-deep in all sorts of stuff, including but not limited to, two large sake bottles that have been converted into lamps, a number of still-wrapped Christmas presents and, my personal favorite, a small swing set.

I travel a lot. I’ve checked into and out of hotels all over the world, and I have never ever seen anyone dragging a jungle gym in or out of the elevator. But for whatever reason, Steve has one in his room. Two other things in the room are even more interesting to the cops than the swing set. One is some cocaine, for which Steve gets a complimentary ride in a police car, and the other is a woman’s body, packed in dry ice in a covered Rubbermaid tub, which is even harder to explain than the coke, but frankly neither one of them looks good.

That’s how the story was first reported — with Stephen Royds arrested for possessing and selling cocaine and everyone waiting to see the coroner’s report on how the woman died. I am solidly in the “everyone” group because I love murder mysteries. If I had a dollar for every episode of “Forensic Files” or “The First 48” that I’ve watched, I wouldn’t need any more dollars.